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1-2-3 Magic: 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting by Thomas Phelan Ph.D.
PREFACE
A NUMBER OF YEARS ago a young mom
came into my office. She was a single mother of three and she was thirty-three
years old. When she sat down and I had a good chance to look at her, I could
see that Sarah looked like she had been run over by a truck.
When I asked the young woman what had brought her in to see me, she said, “Dr. Phelan, I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. It’s horrible. I just lie there, pull the covers over my head, and cringe.”
“Why don’t you want to get up?” I
asked.
“The thought of getting my three
kids up and ready for school is horrible. It’s absolutely horrible!” she said.
“They don’t cooperate, they fight, they treat me like I’m invisible. I scream,
I yell, I nag. The whole thing is so upsetting that it ruins my day. I can’t
concentrate at work and I’m depressed. Then the next morning I have to do it
all over again.”
After asking Sarah more questions
and doing a brief history of her life, I asked if she’d like to learn 1-2-3
Magic. “I’ll do anything!” she said.
Sarah meant what she said. I
taught her 1-2-3 Magic. She went home and told the kids things were going to be
different. The kids smirked and looked at her like she was nuts.
Over the next few weeks, this
young mother made believers out of her three children. She used counting for
sibling rivalry and disrespect. She used some of our “Start” behavior tactics
for picking up, homework, and—most importantly—getting up and out in the morning.
She also employed sympathetic listening and shared one-on-one fun as bonding
strategies.
Sarah was a pair of a trouper. As she revolutionized her home life, we started spacing out our sessions since she didn’t need to come in as often.
One day early in January, Sarah came in for her last visit. She no longer looked like she’d been run over by a truck. As she sat down, I asked her how things were going.
“Really well,” she said.
“Well, that’s saying something,” I pointed out, “especially since you just spent two weeks with your kids over Christmas vacation.”
“Yep, it went well,” she said.
“I’ve come a long way.”
Then she hesitated. “But you know
something?” she added. “I didn’t realize how far I’d come until after they went
back to school after Christmas vacation.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
A little teary, she paused, then said, “I missed them for the first time in my life.”
What Can 1-2-3 Magic Do for You?
If you are raising young
children, the 1-2-3 Magic program might be your ticket to effective and enjoyable
parenting for several reasons:
1. The book has sold more than
1.6 million copies.
2. 1-2-3 Magic has been
translated into twenty-two languages.
3. Over the last several years,
1-2-3 Magic has consistently been the number one child discipline book on
Amazon.com.
4. The program is dad-friendly.
5. It’s evidence-based—that means it works.
Table of Contents
Introduction: Parenting: Long
Hours, No Pay, Excellent Benefits
Part I: Building a Solid
Foundation for Parenting
Chapter 1: Orientation to the Parenting
Profession
Chapter 2: Your Job as a Parent
Chapter 3: Challenging the Little
Adult Assumption
Chapter 4: Avoiding the Two
Biggest Discipline Mistakes
Part II: Controlling Obnoxious
Behavior: Parenting Job 1
Chapter 5: Getting Results
through Counting
Chapter 6: Advice for Nearly Any
Counting Challenge
Chapter 7: Disciplining Your
Child in Public
Real-Life Story 1: The Case of
the Temper Tantrum Terrorist
Chapter 8: How to Handle Sibling
Rivalry, Tantrums, Pouting, and Lying
Real-Life Story 2: The Incredible
Case of the Traveling Troublemakers
Chapter 9: Getting Started with
Counting
Part III: Managing Testing and
Manipulation
Chapter 10: Recognizing the Six
Types of Testing and Manipulation
Chapter 11: Tales from the
Trenches
Part IV: Encouraging Good
Behavior: Parenting Job 2
Chapter 12: Establishing Positive
Routines
Chapter 13: Getting Up and Out in
the Morning
Chapter 14: Cleaning Up and
Chores
Chapter 15: Surviving Suppertime
Chapter 16: Tackling the Homework
Problem
Chapter 17: Going to Bed—and
Staying There!
Real-Life Story 3: The Case of
Bedlam at Bedtime
Chapter 18: Managing Your
Expectations
Part V: Strengthening Your
Relationships with Your Children: Parenting Job 3
Chapter 19: Sympathetic Listening
Real-Life Story 4: The Case of
the Fickle Friends
Chapter 20: The Dangers of
Over-Parenting
Chapter 21: Real Magic:
One-on-One Fun
Chapter 22: Solving Problems
Together
Part VI: Enjoying Your New Family
Life
Chapter 23: Staying Consistent
Chapter 24: Your Happy, Healthy Family
About the Author
THOMAS W. PHELAN is an internationally renowned expert, author, and lecturer on child discipline and attention deficit disorder. A registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist, he appears frequently on radio and TV. Dr. Phelan practices and works in the western suburbs of Chicago.
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